Small Talk Savvy Book Excerpt: Introduction

Ask someone about his or her most embarrassing moment and you’re likely to hear a story about how they made a fool of themselves in front of people they wanted to impress! At such times, we could swear that the universe had conspired to make us look foolish. So what gives?

The truth is that when cool and sophisticated is the goal, we can often end up being comical and nerdy instead. Part of this is trying too hard and nerves getting the best of us. For some, perhaps there’s a little self-fulfilling prophecy coming into play. And, being unprepared doesn’t help anyone. But the biggest reason we feel so foolish is that we take it all oh so seriously. There’s a tendency to over-dramatize the importance of interactions in unfamiliar social and business affairs in which we feel we come up short. Mistake feels HUGE! So huge that you have a hard time forgetting, even years later, that you referred to the groom by his new wife’s ex-boyfriend’s name during your congratulatory speech or the time you asked the adorable guy you had just met what he did for a living and when he said garbage collector you laughed and told him to stop kidding you…when he wasn’t.

In the short term keeping perspective can help manage your frustration level and limit the duration of self-berating. For long-term success having some small talk social skills in your repertoire and some mingling mojo at your disposal will come in mighty handy. It makes all the difference in both the actual handling of a given situation and the way you feel about your performance. Think of it this way. Putting yourself in unfamiliar situations can be like skiing down a steep slope. If you have confidence in your skiing skills you’re more likely to enjoy the challenge, to try those skills out to see what works. On the other hand, if you’re up on that slippery slope with no real skills to help you down, you’re apt to be intimidated or scared to death. The odds also increase that you will be a little or a lot out of control on your way down. Yet even that doesn’t have to be a total disaster if you have the right attitude. Being able to laugh at yourself can be a real face-saver, endearing even, and what you learn from missteps is always a positive outcome.

Small Talk Savvy starts with the premise that everyone longs to be at ease, at their best, in social situations. People naturally want to be viewed as confident and astute in business encounters. This includes everyone from movie stars and CEOs to social neophytes and new employees. Even though there are those people who seem born socially savvy most everyone gets nervous from time to time about being in unfamiliar social territory and about making the “right” impression. Preparedness goes a long way to even up the playing field. As does taking the attitude that social and business encounters are opportunities, a game you can have fun with once you know the rules of engagement.

Small Talk Savvy reviews the basics of being prepared for new encounters whether they are of a romantic, friendly, or work nature. This includes setting the tone with a helpful attitude, being aware of the body language connection, knowing how to naturally engage others with conversational prompts and how to politely move the mingling along. Small Talk Savvy lists tips for listening, being open and friendly, and knowing when and how much to reveal about yourself for the best impact. It also explores ideal interaction at various work functions and how to get the most out of business relationships. This book was created to benefit women and men, of all ages, who are single and partnered, for use in both work and playful environments. Special care has been given to address issues specific to the following groups or individuals.

• Dating prospectors of any age, who are new to, awkward in, or freshly back in the dating scene
• Naturally shy people who have trouble feeling at ease in a cross section of social situations
• Interaction fumblers searching for small talk “dos” and “don’t” tips
• Career strivers wanting to have greater impact in the business arena
• Tongued-tied romantics who lose their speaking facility in the vicinity of their heart’s target
• Lackluster party mixers not getting the results they’d like from their current social interaction
• Networking novices wanting to gain tools for successfully obtaining and using business and networking contacts
• Meek minglers ready for a more proactive participation in social encounters in order to gain greater satisfaction from social and business activities
• Business generators honing their communication skills and wanting to expand their business opportunities
• Upper echelon reactors who get nervous around “more important” peers or associates
• Image enhancement seekers interested in being more intriguing, interesting and appealing
• Communication enthusiasts always on the outlook for ways to improve upon and expand their interactions with other people
• New arrivals (to a new town or in a new job) needing tips for creating social connections

Small Talk Savvy is more common sense and practical information than rocket science, which is a good thing when you only have a few minutes or so to make a dynamic first impression. It is written to be a fun read that easily enables you to access the topics most important to you. In addition, it is designed as a valuable reference you can use as you perfect your knack for chatting people up, and talking about yourself in an appealing fashion that both puts you and others at ease, and gets you taken more seriously. Time to socialize.

Copyright 2005 Adams Media

BUY IT NOW! Small Talk Savvy is available exclusively at Borders. Look for it in the Self-help section under "O" for Operator's Manual.

Smart and snappy in tone, Small Talk Savvy offers tips and strategies for successful small talk in both social and business settings. Loaded with real life stories, examples, and conversation prompts, Small Talk Savvy takes the viewpoint that creating enhanced human connections should be a fun, stimulating and pleasant life-long learning experience.

Chapters include:

• Small Talk Savvy SOS Starter Kit
• Talking It Up with Body Language
• Savvy Socializing
• Dating and Small Talk Finesse
• Everyday Mingling
• Nourishing Small Talk: Home Entertaining and Business Meals
• Small Talk Mojo in the Workplace
• Interaction Strategies Outside of the Office