Elaine Allison is completely at ease. She is eating lunch at a women's networking meeting in the Seattle, Washington area. Nothing in her demeanor indicates that she has any nerves, even though in a few minutes she will get up and talk about her first experience seeing a man naked.

It's not what you think. At the tender age of 19, Elaine was charged with serving breakfast to the inmates at a maximum-security correctional institute in Canada. Just to make sure she felt "welcomed," they came to their cell doors either in their underwear or sans clothing. Even the other guard snickered at her dismay in a "now what are you going to do little missy" manner.

This was one of those proverbial life-changing moments. Right then, and later that night, as she considered quitting, Elaine realized that she was working in an environment that had very different rules for men and women. She was suddenly and quite clearly aware that the work world presented unique challenges for women.

Showing the persistence and presence of mind that would serve her so well during her diverse and dynamic career, Elaine decided on a new plan of attack. The next morning, she banged on each cell door announcing, "If you want breakfast, get up and get dressed." To her great relief, they did just as she asked.

What can jails, schools, airplanes and corporate offices all have in common? Effective female management.
"It was clear that I couldn't respond to this situation like one of my male counterparts," she says of the situation. "I didn't have the strength, size or physical authority to be able to enforce what I wanted. I didn't know it then, but that day I learned what would be my first leadership lesson: set out your expectations upfront without too many details, apologies or explanations."

Canadian Elaine Allison went on to work in the educational system, for the airlines, in financial services, and for the insurance and technology industries. In 1999 she started her own professional speaking business called Positive Presentations Plus, Inc. With a light laugh she states, "My career is a perfect example that skills learned in one industry are transferable to another."

That may be understating the case. Elaine's awareness enabled her to learn so much more than that from her unique career path. With each job, she picked up on lessons about appropriate and inappropriate human behavior. This includes behavior between males and females, between friends at work, and between inexperienced managers and coworkers with more seniority. All of this on-the-job observation and continuous learning effectively laid a solid foundation for her "velvet hammer" philosophy about the key components of effective female leadership.

Defining the Velvet Hammer
So today, some 25 years past the unwanted attention she got on the cell block that red-faced day, you'll find a polished and confident, grounded and personable Elaine gaining much deserved attention for her non-fiction book The Velvet Hammer: PowHERful Lessons for Women Who Don't Golf. The Velvet Hammer addresses and offers solutions for the day-to-day issues and challenges women in middle-management positions face.

She defines a "velvet hammer" as a woman - at any level in an organization - who gets things done, and done well, by leading with grace and eloquence, rather than trying to imitate a male management style.

"Women need to leverage their female perspective to gain trust, enthusiasm and support. A woman can be as direct and impactful as a hammer, if she also softens her approach with velvet-like diplomacy, compassion, and warmth," Elaine states. She believes that women shouldn't get angry at gender differences they need to understand and embrace them.

Awareness of Outdated Cultural Expectations
She also emphasizes that women, as well as men, need to stop coding (or naming) female behavior incorrectly. She uses Hilary Clinton as an example. "Here in Canada we watch American politics with much interest. We support the notion of a female candidate for President. Yet, we look at the media coverage and the emphasis is on things like "Hilary's not warm" because she doesn't smile enough. And if she's direct and strong she gets called the "B" word. But if a woman smiles too much she's insincere and flighty. We need to get past these old ideas of how male and females have to act. It keeps the imbalance intact."

Elaine says that we are at a critical tipping point, a potential "eve-o-lution" as she calls it. "If women step up into more leadership roles, we can positively affect the boardroom as well as the stability of the overall economy," she explains. "Statistics clearly show that companies with women on their boards have better bottom lines. But if women don't embrace their leadership capabilities it will be another 70 years before we see equality in business."

The good thing, she reports, is that women really find their passion at around 40. It's then that women stop needing so much approval and they start to feel like they've earned an interesting job. "I hope a lot of women out in the business world are like me, they know that they can learn anything. They just need to gather up their mentors and go for it!

Elaine Allison is a successful international speaker and author. She has presented her unique approach to leadership and management to thousands of audiences. To find out more about her book, The Velvet Hammer, go online to www.thevelvethammer.com.

1. Be Still. Life in the city has become strangely cut off from nature. So we must learn, or relearn, the practice and mastery of our inner stillness, to become available to love. Stillness is an essential asset for any great relationship, because it leads to spontaneous acts of falling in love. Again and again.
   
   
2. Love is cumulative. Little acts of forgetfulness add up to big problems of painfulness. Make every day of your life a Valentine's Day. Act like today is the most important day of your relationship. Turn up on time. Do something kind.
   
   
3. Hard work is bad management. Nature is incompetent sometimes. A tsunami reveals that small steps were not taken and , therefore, a big adjustment is due. In your life stay humble. Don't back away from challenge. Grow your love.
   
   
4. Dream matching. There are seven realms of love. From the most physical, filled with action, to the most spiritual, filled with a perfect stillness. Our souls can bind at any level of love. They are all important to life.
   
   
5. Love is a lifestyle. Make your lifestyle a devotion to love. Never let the crush of busy-ness get in the way of the most treasured and beautiful gift you can hope for. You can't be a mean so-and- so at work and a loving partner at home.

"The spiritual meaning of love is measured by what it can do. Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to bring us closer to God."

Deepak Chopra, M.D.

What do you love? I mean really love?

Staying connected to what we love is the fuel that keeps our life's passions growing and flowing. It takes intention to focus on what we love in life and about life. Yet when we do we're more likely to keep on track with our personal and business goals. And, feeling the love, ensures that at the end of the day, week, month or year we are still satisfied with our life experience, that we are happy.

So make a list of everything you love. If it helps, focus on what you love in the different areas of your life: in your career, family life, leisure and hobby activities, in your home, in nature, and in the animal world.

Ask yourself what do you love in other people? What gives you the greatest sense of emotional satisfaction time and time again?

If you wish to use any of the articles from Living Awareness in your own electronic newsletter or ezine please include the following paragraph:

Reprinted from Living Awareness, a fr*ee ezine from conscious communications expert Melissa Wadsworth featuring interviews, articles and exercises to inspire more life clarity, focus and joy. To sign up go to:
www.melissawadsworth.com and receive a complimentary copy of Seven Steps to Self Empowerment.

Visit the links below to view past issues:

August 2006: The Law of Attraction

September 2006: Successful Self-Awareness

October 2006: Personal Responsibility

November 2006: Change

December 2006: Balance

January 2007:New Year Planning