Change is a big topic right now. In our present day culture a dominant thought, perception, or emotion can dominate mass consciousness. We see it in how easily fear spreads — from worldwide events and economic news to the word on the street and the feeling in the air.

Change has taken center stage whether we like it or not. Of course, change has always been present (being the consistent constant that it is), but in past years it was easier to pretend you didn’t have to directly deal with change. We could mosey our way into a preferred change. We could even convince ourselves we didn’t have to change if we didn’t want to. Yet, every decade presents us with an exterior event or circumstance that throws that concept to the wind.

This year, my most popular personal growth workshops have had “how to deal with change” as a central theme. Many people are dramatically contending with change and what so many people seek is a way to meet change challenges from a higher sense of self rather than from a panicked perspective. I take this as a fantastic sign that people are willing to stretch themselves to find the positive even in the most stressful of circumstances.

Ariane de Bonvoisin is an expert in change and is the founder of www.first30days.com. Her book of the same name provides tremendous experiential insight, self-discovery wisdom and practical steps that can guide others to more easily deal with change.

In The First 30 Days, which is a top 100 paperback, Ariane writes that we should try to see change as life’s way of letting us know it wants us to grow in some fashion.

Ariane tells me that she interviewed hundreds of people who were dealing with changes like:

• the loss of a loved one
• the loss of a job
• getting married/getting divorced
• having a child/adopting a child
• starting a business

There was one central theme in all the stories of change: FEAR. How women and men dealt with and exhibited their fear varied. Women tended to have more shame and guilt (internal), while men tended to externalize their change stress through impatience and blame.

Ariane described this interview process as being like she had an antenna on her head. She relayed, “I was hearing what people were bumping up against. People tend to overestimate how much change happens in a day and underestimate has much time it takes to move through change.”

This indicated to her that people need to have a different relationship with time to deal with change well. In general she says that people set tough requirements and standards for themselves when they’re dealing with a change and they need to unhook their connection between life changes and how long they take to resolve.

Change and the marshmallow principle
During our talk, Ariane cited a Standford University study referred to as the “marshmallow principle.” The study took a classroom of five-year olds and gave them a marshmallow. They were told that if they waited five minutes before eating the marshmallow they would get a second one. 90% of the kids ate the marshmallow before the five minutes were up. The researchers then followed up with the kids 30 years later and found that the patient 10% who had waited five minutes to eat the marshmallow were “off-the-charts” successful.

Change and waiting for the good stuff
These patient kids proved to be patient adults. They waited for the perfect mate, for the job they really wanted, and they took their time making important decisions.

I immediately think of the time I waited seven months to get a job offer that excited me, even if I did have to temp at awful companies while I bide my time. And, I waited until I was 44 to marry the perfect man for me. Funny then that I often think of patience as one of my biggest life challenges. Maybe I’m just highly aware of struggling to be patient? Based on this insight, I should probably update my assessment of how patient I am.

“The study showed that being able to wait for the good things sets you up for success,” stated Ariane. “Most people can’t wait for life to reveal more information.”

Change your awareness and learn to receive
As a result of her interviews and work with clients, Ariane de Bonvoisin also found that people who are good with change are good at receiving — they know how to create space and openness for receiving what they need, whether it’s a job or a mate.

“Awareness is always the beginning of change. We have blind spots — self-criticism, self-blame. You need to change what you say to yourself in the mirror. Receiving starts with the language, what you tell yourself that you are worthy of receiving,” explained Ariane.

A person dealing with change may think: “I should be able to do it alone.” Ariane points out that this is the voice of the victim, the part of your ego that feels no one has the capacity to help you. She encourages people to alternately consider: “Who’s on your change support team?”

“During every great thing that’s happened to me, I had people to help and cheer me on!” she enthuses, continuing, “I’m as connected to as many people as I can and that takes courage.”

Change and the ability to ask for help
As an exercise, she recommends asking three people for something you need, from the mundane to the vital. “People can’t guess what you need.” Ariane recommends that you be specific when you’re asking for support. Rather than asking: “Hi, do you know anyone’s who’s hiring?” Ask: “Do you know anyone in the music industry?”

Change and spirituality
Furthermore, Ariane believes that all change is spiritual. It requires you to be a bigger version of yourself. It requires an internal identity change in what you see yourself to be. She admits that the difficulty is seeing that when everything is up in the air.

She advises: “Detach from the external drama and connect to spirit. All our answers are on the inside. Yet, we resist going inside. We don’t want to listen to the inner microphone.”

Change and intuition
From her research she knows that people who are good at change have an inner guidance system that they let guide them. Relating this to herself she said, “You don’t get a degree or an award for intuition, but everything that I’ve done right is due to intuition.”

Intuition speaks through your body so take note of what it’s telling you. Are you happy, nervous, tense? Ariane shared that she was overweight because she was holding onto negative emotions. When she moved through the emotions she dropped the weight: 7 pounds of anger, 4 pounds of guilt, etc.

Of course, I recommend using intuitive dream boards as a great source of intuitive feedback. Because you aren’t working from your mental mind you can unhook from thoughts and the resulting emotions that often block intuition. The creative process ideally opens you and makes you more receptive to seeing your next best steps which is helpful when you’re dealing with change.

Ariane says that she literally looks for what’s next. “I look for the piece of the puzzle that life is trying to show me.” The Universe always shows her something.

In her interviews and work Ariane started noticing something important (and you know I believe that what you notice matters!) She said that she noticed that people fell into three categories regarding change:

1. They were struggling with life change
2. They secretly want to make a life change
3. They were helping other people make a change

That’s when Ariane thought, “Maybe this is exactly what I need to be doing.”

Ariane concludes our conversation with this bit of wisdom, “Change is a time for gentleness and kindness. Be kind to everyone who is fighting a tough battle. People who are good at change do very little self-flagellation, they’re gentle with themselves. Self-kindness makes a huge difference.”

To learn the 9 principles of change, buy Ariane de Bonvoisin’s book, The First 30 Days, and receive 12 exclusive gifts from experts.