It’s time to be seen and heard

Good girls aren’t supposed to call a vagina, a vagina?

That’s what is making news these days. It’s 2012 and Republican men in politics still have a 1912 perspective of feminine decorum. And they are trying to use this so-called “decorum” to put, and keep, women behind the scenes where they can be seen (and “represented”) but not heard.

The latest evidence of this is the “vaginagate” that took place at the Michigan House of Representatives. Michigan House Democrat Lisa Brown was banned from speaking on any topic for using a proper anatomical word that was deemed too vulgar for mixed company. It’s OK to legislate it, don’t just say it.

Apparently good girls and nice women don’t mention vasectomy either. The retribution? Sit in the corner and be quiet like a good girl.

Back in 1988 when the Dirty Dancing character played by Patrick Swayze  stated the oft quoted line, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner,” I remember the audience laughing. At the time I assumed it was at the silliness of the “Baby” name and ihow old-fashioned the whole situation felt — so out of step with modern times. Everyone recognized how ridiculous it was to make the good girl who was trying to do all the right things sit down and behave according to 1950 rules. After all, the audience knew that she was the one who was going to make the biggest difference in the world.

There’s nothing to laugh at when this happens in 2012 within our so-called modern political system. When the few women who are doing the right thing and representing women get silenced, the only appropriate reaction is a wave of outraged voices – male and female alike.

Shaming Women into Silence

Let’s be clear, what is being silenced here is dissent.

Women who dare to speak up against the old-boy practice of discussing women’s rights without being invited into the conversation, are being publicly shamed — at least that’s the intention. Strong women with opinions are being dismissed as having had a tantrum.

I really wish this were a movie and we could all nervously laugh and get on with our lives — free to speak up and stand out.

You would think that after the whole “slut” debacle Republican men would be clued in to what direction the wind of public opinion was blowing. Apparently they thought that the whole Sandra Fluke issue was a Washington D.C. problem and had nothing to do with how they ran things in their own state.

Are women noticing this?

How long will it take the community of women to notice that their are those who are focused on silencing them and making them appear silly? How long will women let negative legislation get enacted that erodes their rights, without even saying a word?

Even strong women role models like Oprah don’t utter the word vagina. It becomes a va-jay-jay — something to giggle at and not take seriously. Little did we realize, I’m sure Oprah didn’t, that we needed her to be a role model for saying the word vagina, to make it an acceptable part of conversation. Maybe she can still do this.

20th Century Good Girl Definition
In the meantime I’m proposing that we start redefining what a nice girl and a good woman is.

Old definition and reward system:

• Be a good girl and you’ll be allowed to do the same work as men for less pay.
• Be a good girl and you can become a super shopper.
• Be a good girl and go eat your ice cream.
• Be a good girl and we’ll allow your presence, but not your voice, in the boardroom and in politics.
• Be a good girl and you will get the man of your dreams.
• Be a good girl and be seen but not heard.
• Be a good girl and make your man look good.
• Be a good girl and accept whatever perks come your way. You aren’t in control of what these are. Sorry.

21st Century Good Woman Definition

I’m lucky to be surrounded by and connected to amazing women, doing amazing work and having a significant, positive impact in the world.

Likewise, each of us can override our good girl conditioning and choose to make a bigger difference. We can choose to be our full powerful self and take on leadership roles. We can step out of our comfort zone and begin projects for good that seem impossible. We can connect to supportive men and women around us who get our vision and applaud us for it.

• Good women are passionate. They invite men and women to support their visions and their hopes for a better world.
• Good women refuse to sit down and be quiet. They are here to change the status quo!
• Good women don’t need to be validated by men or other women. Their actions and intentions are based on contributing to their families, the well-being of the planet, and to the well-being and equal treatment of all humanity. This is self-validating.
• Good women recognize what is out of balance in their own bodies, educational systems, political bodies, and bodies of water. They wake up hoping to take small steps that create significant shifts.
• Good woman have stopped caring what others think and are noticing what they are truly capable of accomplishing.
• Good women take responsibility for experiencing their own self-worth. And when they have doubts, they take responsibility for knowing the perfect people, strategies and techniques that will help them to shift back into their light.
• Good women are a force. They believe that collaboration is better than competition.
• Good women instill confidence into girls by modeling how to speak up and how to stand out.

What would you add to the old definition that we need to throw out?

What would you add to the new definition?

Who are the female role models you listen to?

Please contribute your thoughts and share them. We need to create some beautiful noise!

Melissa Wadsworth of Brilliance Unlimited is an author, inspirational speaker, dream life coach and a woman who has found a new voice. She invites you to find yours. The world needs your brilliance and radiance. htttp://www.melissawadsworth.com